House Rules for Luminosity Beach Festival 2018

So a lot of our readers will be venturing to Luminosity in Zandvoort next week for 4 days of Trance. Lee Evans has kindly put together some house rules for the festival…….


1) Everyone needs to bring a flag so nobody can see a thing, ideally flag carriers need to also let another flag carrier on their shoulders so the people at the back can’t see either

2) Anyone built like a brick shit house must remove tops and sweat all over everyone – the use of deoderant is not encouraged

3) Anyone 6’0ft tall or above must locate a woman of 5’4ft or below and stand directly in front of them, ideally swinging elbows in their general direction

4)Volunteers are required to stand directly infront of the DJ performance area and type important messages on a scrolling phone app such as “we heart you” and “Lumi lumi lumi” and display to the performer so they have to smile politely at you.

5) 1 in every 10 people must push to the front of the stage and once there, turn back facing towards the back and talk utter shit to anyone that will listen.

6) 2 in every 10 people MUST drink too much alcohol and then navigate through the most densely populated area of the dance floor every ten minutes ensuring 70% of attendees are barged into.

7) If by a miracle you gain visual access to the DJ booth through all the flags, drunks and tall people – DO NOT look directly at the stage, ensure you filter the experience through a smart phone.

8) You MUSTperform at least one chant during a set – your choices are:

  1. a) Bryan, Bryan, Bryan fucking kearney
  2. b) Here we, here we, here we fucking go
  3. c) Whoop there it is

** any other chants must be first approved by the national twats association**

9) When you finally realise that you might be moderately more intoxicated than you expected you must immediately hug those closest to you, irrelevant of whether you know them or not and proceed to tell them exactly how intoxicated you are (Thank you to Richard Vyse for this addition)

Thank you for your co-operation – Have fun 😀

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